He's not that interested

Read this today from an email article, just extracting a portion of it that acts as a good reminder :

BY MIRABLE SUMMERS

(excerpt)

The only thing that determines how you react to
a situation where a guy SEEMS interested, and then
backs off slightly (a classic test) is whether or
not you feel like being with a guy who's intent on
making YOU 'chase' HIM.

Or with a guy who's been reading up on the
seduction/pickup arts and is determined to stop
asking women out because 'that's what men do now.'

Basically, the way that you react to this sort
of stuff is likely to set the tone for the rest of
the relationship (no matter how brief it may turn
out to be.)

He is testing your levels of interest. He wants
to know if YOU'RE keen enough to ask HIM out.

And whether you are or not isn't really the
point ... because what it REALLY boils down to is
that, FOR WHATEVER REASON, he is not interested
enough in you to do you the basic courtesy of
asking you out.

Look: I'm all for the 'male sexual revolution'
that seems to be happening these days, and I think
it's interesting that the dating scene is getting
shaken up so much with all these new ideas and
'techniques' and 'strategies' and things like that
...

... but at the same time, I am a firm proponent
of NOT helping a guy to ask you out.

I think this is very important. And despite the
fact that dating gurus are teaching their acolytes
to 'get HER to chase YOU', I still don't believe
that to do so would set a sound precedent for
respectful and decent treatment for you - not to
mention flaming-hot attraction - throughout the
relationship.

I've simply read too many studies where a
STAGGERING majority of the men polled said that
they have NEVER had a serious relationship with a
girl who asked them out ... or that if she asked
them out, 'it would ruin all the fun' ... or that
they'd be FLATTERED if a woman asked them out, but
they wouldn't necessarily be ATTRACTED to her.

Bottom line: he may be interested enough in you
to flirt with you. But if he's not interested
enough to actually take the plunge and ask you to
meet him for a coffee (come on, I mean, ONE
PIDDLING COFFEE - it's hardly levitating over
Niagara Falls), then he's just NOT THAT
INTERESTED. Period.

And yes, you could argue, 'what if I'm an
intimidating woman? What if he's a little bit
scared of me?'

Well, that's true. Guys can be intimidated by
beautiful or outgoing women. But usually, unless
you're Angelina Jolie, this isn't REALLY a
problem. And to bite the bullet, even if it
WAS a problem, do you actually want to be with a guy
who's so gutless that he can't even get himself
together enough to invite you out somewhere? A guy
who doesn't even like you enough to get over his
nervousness and ask you out??

Because I know I wouldn't.

As an interesting aside, I've actually been in
this exact position myself a couple of times. Guy
is being very flirty and funny ... we're both
enjoying ourselves ... then all of a sudden one of
us has to go, and he tries to put it on ME to do
the legwork and arrange another meeting.

Every time this happens - whether it's a guy
offering me his card, offering me his email
address, or telling me to 'call him' - I take it
as the message that it is: essentially, that he's
trying to get ME to do his 'dirty-work' for him
and organize a date. He wants an ego-boost, or
he's been conditioned to 'get her to do the
chasing', or he's just plain LAZY.

Personally, I prefer men who actually like me
enough to quit with the power struggle and ask to
see me again. No matter what kind of Sexual
Revolution men happen to be going through, I have
ALWAYS refused to help guys ask me out, and were I
single, I would continue to do so.

If they don't ask, then quite simply, they just
AREN'T THAT INTERESTED.

And hey - I know this can be confusing,
especially if they were particularly flirty and
charming during the previous conversations(s),
whether that was online, on the phone, or in
person. But let's face it, there are any NUMBER of
reasons that all that flirty charm could be an
absolute CROCK when it comes to actually MEANING
SOMETHING:

He could have just been in a good mood.

He could have been on an ego trip and wanting
to see if he can get you interested.

He could have been cheering himself up after a
difficult day, and wanting to soothe himself with
some feminine attention.

He could be one of those guys who's Just A
Flirt.

... and so on.

I urge you to start paying attention to the way
men ACT rather than the way they TALK. The
conversation can be great, he can be telling you
how cute you are and how he'd love to take you out
sometime, etc etc ... but if he's not actually
ASKING YOU OUT, then he's not that interested.

Period.

And smart women don't waste their time dating
men who aren't sure about their interest levels.